I got in the shower this morning and looked at my body. I took a really good look at it.
I have to preface this by saying that I did not have my glasses on. I am pretty short-sighted, but I can make out shapes… I don’t see a lot of detail. This might go a long way to explaining the positive experience I am about to tell you about.
I checked myself out, and I liked what I saw. I am doing ok. I have never really been delighted with the state of my body for many different reasons. Society – not my mother – has taught me to hate my body, for decades now, I have been told that it is the only appropriate response when confronted with my naked or semi-naked form is hatred. Most of us have been brought up to believe that upon seeing oneself in the mirror, the only appropriate response is disgust (I hope that this is no longer the norm). We are expected to either point out every disgusting flaw in our bodies or better still, avoid looking at our bodies altogether.
I wonder if this standard of self-hatred has been used to manipulate women and keep them “down”. It also makes it difficult for women to embrace their sexuality, something that the patriarchy would like to keep under control. It seems there is nothing more dangerous to the patriarchy than an empowered, free and sexually aware woman.
This morning I checked out my boobs, they are standing up surprisingly well despite the passage of time. I noticed my nice slender waist and my hippy hips. I also have a pretty substantial butt which I have been reliably informed in en vogue right now. The overall picture was pretty pretty good. Where had my self-hatred and disdain gone?
Many women who read this will feel immediately uncomfortable with my profession of self-admiration and will likely criticise or ridicule this as vanity. I can assure you, that is more about their own self-hatred than it has to do with my experience.
I have heard, read and discussed with many women that hitting 40 was a magical thing. It gave them freedom and a lack of caring about stupid things that they wish they had developed a lot earlier in their lives. This freedom has been creeping in for the last few years, and I must say, I like it.
I have a strange and strained relationship with my body. I have chronic pain. I am crippled by terrible, terrible pain that prevents me from doing many things I enjoy. It has limited my lifestyle dramatically over the last 15 or so years, and for a long time, this made me hate my body on a whole new and deeper level. This hatred and feeling of betrayal has been the hardest to overcome. I have to say that I’m still not entirely over it. My level of distress concerning my body can vary from day to day, depending on how bad my pain is and how limiting it is. But as a whole, I have worked really hard to not hate my body for restricting my life. I have gradually shifted to feeling admiration and awe at my body’s ability to continue to function and thrive(ish) despite my ongoing health issues.
According to social norms, that are dictated by a long outdated and no longer relevant patriarchy, I am supposed to look at my body and pick out everything that is wrong with it. I am supposed to hate my breasts, despise my belly, hate my hips, ridicule my legs, mock my arms and loath my face. I am supposed to feel ugly and ridiculous and unworthy of love or praise from anyone, including myself. The spell has been broken. Perhaps it’s age, wisdom, the power of pain or the passage of time. Maybe it was not wearing my glasses, allowing me to see the whole and not focus in on the finer details. Whatever the reason, I was so relieved to feel happiness, pride, admiration and joy when looking at my glorious naked form in the mirror today.
I recently suggested to a group of women I love, trust and admire that we all try to practice saying nice things in the mirror to ourselves in the morning. I suggested we look at ourselves in the mirror and say “I am a proud woman”. I have noticed many men look at their reflection and see a big gut, stumpy legs, red face and bald head and make metaphorical gun hands at themselves and nod with approval. I am not saying they are not beautiful, but they feel fantastic despite their many many flaws. Women need to learn from their male counterparts when it comes to mirror self-love. The women I spoke to all resisted the idea and said they could not do that. It is so ingrained in our psyches to dislike ourselves that any deviation from that script makes people feel anxious.
I am not the first women or person to make this discovery. It is happening all the time in mirrors and bathrooms all around the world. Women are waking up to the limits society, and the patriarchy has placed on them. These “rules of engagement” have been holding us back, for decades and centuries.
In recent years, influencers like Celeste Barber have done great things for body positivity. Celeste might not be Anna Wintour’s idea of ideal beauty, but Celeste’s acceptance of her body – even though it’s through self-deprecating humour – is helping many women accept their own beautiful bodies. It can only lead to more freedom.
Sometimes I am a bad feminist, secretly judging women and girls for fashion choices they make showing off body parts I never would. They seem to possess body confidence that appears to be unjustified by beauty industry standards. When I catch myself in these thoughts, I consciously change them to admiration for accepting their body the way it is, and I wish I too had that strength.
Looking at yourself in the mirror and liking what you see is not going to bring on equality and smash the patriarchy. Still, it is a small piece in the puzzle leading to women feeling empowered and capable of fighting the good fight. Let’s smash the patriarchy ladies.
So if you wear glasses, start slow and take them off before you try scanning yourself in the mirror. It might make all the difference. Practice loving yourself and work up to doing the same with your glasses on.
It feels pretty wonderful to love yourself. Do try it.
What are you going to say to yourself the next time you look at yourself in the mirror?
Recent Comments